“Why is our relationship going downhill when in fact we are okay. I love him, but I don’t feel connected with him anymore. I’m so busy with the kids and i feel aweful that I need to make time just for him instead of taking a break. I don’t know. I’m not sure anymore. The fire just—— died?”
These thoughts are common to married woman. Yes, common. I said so because as a blogger mommy who has mommy groups around me, it’s not just twice or thrice that I heard these phrases. Most of new mothers feel overwhelmed with their role as a mom plus as a wife. Because they are becoming so busy with the new members of their family, sometimes, they could doubt their emotions and feel disconnected to anyone or everyone. They can’t seem to point out what’s wrong but they feel that something’s really not right.
Can Love Fade Away and Come Back?
If your kind of love is genuine and true, then it is profound. That means it will always be there. But that doesn’t mean that it won’t fade, that it won’t hurt, that it will be perfect. Even if our vows were spoken in front of the person we love and with God as our witness, no body is perfect. Couples will become tired of daily routines, have trust issues, feel unconnected with eachother. Yet, if their love is strong and they both decide to make things work, point out what seemed wrong and fix it together, then there would be a great chance that their relationship will still rekindle the marital fire of love between them.
Tips to Keep the Fire Alive After Having Kids
•Honestly Talk About What You Feel
The moment you feel that your relationship is turning cold, everytime your brows would raise, everytime you don’t feel like checking if your spouse is still alive, I’m sure he felt that too. Yet, it is so true that men are born with a little insensitivity in their skin. So take a chance and talk to him. If you want chance, if you want things to get better, tell him. Tell him about all the nagative and honest emotion deep inside you and tell him that you need to make an effort together so things would become lighter.
•Keep Learning and Growing Together
Along in this journey, especially that you are already parents to little human, make sure that you go through it together. All the hardship, all the bitter-sweet and sleepless nights, share it with eachother. Don’t be a burden but instead, be there together so you can grow from all the situations you both overcome.
•Make Memories Worth Remembring
Now this could be effortsome. You might be tired from daily work, too occupied with kids, drained from all the energy-draining activities inside the house all day long. But please, if you want change, if you want to make things right or even better, do this! Have quality time together with your spouse regularly. Go take family photos that will capture every moment there is to remember. Surprise one another in little ways. The more you enjoy it, the more it gets into your system that this is how things should be and it will feel a little lighter for you.
•Sharing of Responsibilities Together
Because you and your husband decided to build a family, the responsibilities should never be shouldered just by one. Even if your husband is working to provide financially for the family, he should still be able to help you around the house and with the kids. If you are in need of help, tell him. Now there would be a problem if your hubby is a little lazy butt when it comes to chores and kids. But talk to him about it. When you are both calm, when you are both in the right mood, talk about sharing of responsibilities.
•Show Gratefulness More Often
Be grateful for the coffee and breakfast she prepared, for ironing your uniform on time. Be grateful for his cooperation in putting his dirty clothes in the laundry basket, for his efforts in changing the baby’s diapers.
Showing gratefulness is showing of appreciation. Who wouldn’t be delighted if they are appreciated and given credits, right? Be eachother’s main source of positivity by showing gratefulness even in slightliest efforts done by the other.
•Always Try Something New Together
Be it new restaurant to go to, new food you discovered, new set of hobies to keep you busy, or maybe new intimate love making strategies to try. Learn new things about eachother and try new things together. Maybe then it will bring out what’s best in you too.
•Keep God in the Center of Your Relationship
Whatever happens, happy and full of positivity, thank and glorify God. Full of sorrow, negativity and feeling of being detached from your spouse, pray together. As what they say, a family that prays together, stays together.
Sometimes, no matter how long you and your partner have been together, things change because there is no perfect relationship in this world. What you can do though if you still want to work things out, go through everything together. Remind yourself that it is not easy to build a relationship with someone especially if you already have kids. Be prepared to swallow your pride, to understand things you never thought about, your partner and you are on the same boat. When the both is shakey, be coordinate with one another to keep balance and be still. Soon, things will become steady again. Just like how it all started.