Marriage and Relationships

We are often told that distance makes the heart grow fonder. That time and space between two people who are inlove is supposed to make them miss eachother and value one another’s presence even more. However, that’s not always the case. Sometimes, distance makes the heart grow distant and cold too.

In this article, let’s talk about how two people who are so much in love could end up in rough roads when you put distance in between them. Maybe not everyone, I don’t mean to generalize, but 70% of the lovely couples I’ve known did not end up together after going through LDR “Long Distance Relationship”.

Why the Heart Grows Cold With Distance

•Distance Makes You Forget

Waking up day by day without your love one’s hugs, kisses, touch. How cruel can that be? That’s the reason why people hate LDR, you will not feel eachother’s physical presence. And before you realize, if you put too much distance for a very long time, you will forget how eachother feels like. Touch is one way to communicate. Even without talking, you can feel loved through gestures and body language. But when you are apart from your lover, your mind and heart will little by little get used to the feeling of not being touched, until eventually, you might forget how it feels like.

•Distance Makes Your Heart Long for Someone to Be There- Sometimes, Desperately

This could happen especially if you are apart because of studies or work. It is very likely that every now and then, you will be facing hurdles and challenges. You will become stressed but no one will be there to comfort you. Until you realize you are looking for it in other places. In other people who are there. I’m not saying that’s excuse enough for you to look for someone who’s near. What I’m saying is that sometimes, it’s unavoidable especially if you are someone clingy, someone vulnerable.

Distance is not for the frail hearted ones. If you think you are someone who can be swayed easily, know that things might not end too well for you and your lover.

•Distance Could be an Excuse Not to Patch Up Small Fights

Yes, of course. Now that you are apart, no one can nag for you to make up as soon as possible. You can have time to be alone all you want. You can avoid patching up your fights as long as you can, it’s gonna be all up to you. But don’t you ever forget that the longer it takes for a small fight to get fixed, the more it’ll damage the relationship between you and your lover. He/she will feel that she’s powerless over that fight and you staying away for too long will only make things worse. So think things over.

•Distance Could Be a Reason For “Out of Sight, Out of Mind”

We can’t deny that human as we are, we have flaws and limitations too. Sometimes, no matter how we love someone, if we are away from them for too long, if we don’t see them often, we tend to think of them lesser by lesser each day too. That’s the reason why say out of sight, out of mind.

Factors contributing to Failure of Long Distance Relationships

•Time and Schedules

Since the world has different time zones, it’s very likely that you will be eating your breakfast in your lover’s dinner time. You will be having a good night sleep during his daytime. That is very important to manage for you to both make sure it’s gonna work out.

•Temptations

We can’t deny that even if we are in a relationship, we can’t stop other people’s emotions and feelings towards us or to that person we love. What’s important is that we know how to avoid for us not to be swayed.

•Communication

Enough internat data, time to catch up with eachother, time to listen and establish strong communication between you and your partner- these could greatly affect your communication. Once communication fails, don’t expect your relationship to stand still.

•Jealousy

Towards new people around them, towards those that are there when we’re not. We might pick fights, want them to avoid certain someone. These things would only show the weakness between you two. Work on it.

Long distance relationship is one of the very challenging phase to encounter in a relationship. Yes, some are strong enough to go through it and stand for the love in between the distance. But, there are also some who won’t be able to turn away from the negative impact caused by long distance between the couple. Above all, I believe that it is all under control, it can all be fixed and decided once you set your heart and mind to firmly stand up for your love. So if you have a partner from miles away, pray for your relationship and do your best to not let the distance make your hearts distant.

“Why is our relationship going downhill when in fact we are okay. I love him, but I don’t feel connected with him anymore. I’m so busy with the kids and i feel aweful that I need to make time just for him instead of taking a break. I don’t know. I’m not sure anymore. The fire just—— died?”

These thoughts are common to married woman. Yes, common. I said so because as a blogger mommy who has mommy groups around me, it’s not just twice or thrice that I heard these phrases. Most of new mothers feel overwhelmed with their role as a mom plus as a wife. Because they are becoming so busy with the new members of their family, sometimes, they could doubt their emotions and feel disconnected to anyone or everyone. They can’t seem to point out what’s wrong but they feel that something’s really not right.

Can Love Fade Away and Come Back?

If your kind of love is genuine and true, then it is profound. That means it will always be there. But that doesn’t mean that it won’t fade, that it won’t hurt, that it will be perfect. Even if our vows were spoken in front of the person we love and with God as our witness, no body is perfect. Couples will become tired of daily routines, have trust issues, feel unconnected with eachother. Yet, if their love is strong and they both decide to make things work, point out what seemed wrong and fix it together, then there would be a great chance that their relationship will still rekindle the marital fire of love between them.

Tips to Keep the Fire Alive After Having Kids

•Honestly Talk About What You Feel

The moment you feel that your relationship is turning cold, everytime your brows would raise, everytime you don’t feel like checking if your spouse is still alive, I’m sure he felt that too. Yet, it is so true that men are born with a little insensitivity in their skin. So take a chance and talk to him. If you want chance, if you want things to get better, tell him. Tell him about all the nagative and honest emotion deep inside you and tell him that you need to make an effort together so things would become lighter.

•Keep Learning and Growing Together

Along in this journey, especially that you are already parents to little human, make sure that you go through it together. All the hardship, all the bitter-sweet and sleepless nights, share it with eachother. Don’t be a burden but instead, be there together so you can grow from all the situations you both overcome.

•Make Memories Worth Remembring

Now this could be effortsome. You might be tired from daily work, too occupied with kids, drained from all the energy-draining activities inside the house all day long. But please, if you want change, if you want to make things right or even better, do this! Have quality time together with your spouse regularly. Go take family photos that will capture every moment there is to remember. Surprise one another in little ways. The more you enjoy it, the more it gets into your system that this is how things should be and it will feel a little lighter for you.

•Sharing of Responsibilities Together

Because you and your husband decided to build a family, the responsibilities should never be shouldered just by one. Even if your husband is working to provide financially for the family, he should still be able to help you around the house and with the kids. If you are in need of help, tell him. Now there would be a problem if your hubby is a little lazy butt when it comes to chores and kids. But talk to him about it. When you are both calm, when you are both in the right mood, talk about sharing of responsibilities.

•Show Gratefulness More Often

Be grateful for the coffee and breakfast she prepared, for ironing your uniform on time. Be grateful for his cooperation in putting his dirty clothes in the laundry basket, for his efforts in changing the baby’s diapers.

Showing gratefulness is showing of appreciation. Who wouldn’t be delighted if they are appreciated and given credits, right? Be eachother’s main source of positivity by showing gratefulness even in slightliest efforts done by the other.

•Always Try Something New Together

Be it new restaurant to go to, new food you discovered, new set of hobies to keep you busy, or maybe new intimate love making strategies to try. Learn new things about eachother and try new things together. Maybe then it will bring out what’s best in you too.

•Keep God in the Center of Your Relationship

Whatever happens, happy and full of positivity, thank and glorify God. Full of sorrow, negativity and feeling of being detached from your spouse, pray together. As what they say, a family that prays together, stays together.

Sometimes, no matter how long you and your partner have been together, things change because there is no perfect relationship in this world. What you can do though if you still want to work things out, go through everything together. Remind yourself that it is not easy to build a relationship with someone especially if you already have kids. Be prepared to swallow your pride, to understand things you never thought about, your partner and you are on the same boat. When the both is shakey, be coordinate with one another to keep balance and be still. Soon, things will become steady again. Just like how it all started.